Most of us are willing to admit that if we don’t do better at caring for ourselves it will, at some point, affect how we care for everyone else. And, yet we don’t do it.

Some time ago on TikTok, I asked nurses what their biggest barriers were to self-care. You can watch that video and read the responses HERE. While there was a wide range of answers, there were some common themes.

So, here are the top 10 reasons nurses don’t do self-care along with some quotes from the comments. Some of these are truly heartbreaking.

1 – Guilt

• “Being time poor and mom guilt”
• “Fear of letting others down”
• “Guilt for spending more time away from my family.”
• “Guilt. Being told I was selfish for doing anything I enjoy for me.”
• “Guilt. Away from family so much already, I feel bad wanting more time away.”

2 – Time

• “Definitely not enough time. Work is mind-consuming even after I leave.”
• “Don’t have time. Work 12 hours for 7 days straight, then having to be mommy and wife, soon exhausted.”
• “Not enough time in the day and just plain exhausted when I do have free time.”

3 – Exhaustion

• “By the time I have a day off, my brain and body don’t work.”
• “Exhausted with people. Want to isolate when I can.”
• “Exhaustion sneaks up on me. Taking care of everyone else.”
• “I am so tired and exhausted from dealing with my job. I get home and can barely eat, shower, and fall in the bed.”

4 – Depression

• “Depression. It took me a while to make peace with the idea, but I finally got help.”
• “Depression. I have my first therapy appointment on Wednesday.”
• “Depression!”

5 – Money

• “Money, hands down. I have money going to just live.”
• “Time, money, family, juggle.”
• “Fatigue, depression, and money.”

6 – Knowledge

• “Not knowing where to start.”
• “For so long I thought sleeping in on my days off, lying in bed all day was self-care.”
• “I don’t think I know what it even means.”

7 – Prioritization

• “I prioritize myself last, dead last”
• “Everyone else takes priority.”
• “Forgetting that I DESERVE to take time for me”
• “I have been programmed, probably by myself, to put others first.”

8 – Motivation

• “Lack of motivation, probably from a combination of depression and exhaustion”
• “Lack of motivation.”
• “Time, money, motivation”

9 – Laziness

• “Laziness”
• “Laziness” (yes, more than one person gave this exact same answer)

10 – Distractions

• “TikTok, LOL”
• “Carrying things on my mind that I wish I would have charted or said differently.”
• “I think the biggest barrier is the constant feeling that I should be doing something productive.”

Do you identify with any of these quotes? I certainly do.

In the coming weeks, I’m going to address each of these items in upcoming blog posts.

In the meantime, if you are ready to take the first step towards taking back control of your life, including taking better care of YOU, my book The Restored Nurse, is a great place to start.

The post 10 Top Reasons Nurses Don’t Do Self-Care appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Anyway, where was I?

In the first Tobey Maguire Spider Man movie there is a scene where they are at a museum. Peter Parker and his close friend Harry are looking at one of the spiders. Peter explains, to a very disinterested Harry, that some spiders can change color to match their environment. He then says, “It’s a defense mechanism.” 

Recently I was reminded of this scene while at work. As I often do, I walked through the halls, smiling and joking with my coworkers. As I returned to my office and the door closed behind me, all semblance of a smile disappeared. Despite the smiling and laughter, I wasn’t feeling it. 

So, why do I do it?

That’s when the scene I mentioned earlier hit. I could see the scene in my head and thought to myself, “It’s a defeat mechanism.” That’s it, I was using the smile and jokes as a defense mechanism. 

But what am I defending against?

As I sat alone in my office pondering this, I realized that what I was defending against was people knowing what I was truly feeling inside. But, why? Why didn’t I want people to know? Well, for starters, I didn’t think they cared. Truth is, most of them probably don’t. Not that they are uncaring, they’ve just got their own concerns and I’m just some random guy that happens to work in the same place as them. But, it wasn’t the fact that they might not care that made me want to block them out. Rather it was simply that I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want anyone to see what was really going on inside of me.

If we’re honest, I think many of us are doing the same thing. We are building walls to keep everyone out. We are afraid of what people might think if they knew what was really going on inside our heads. 

Walls are good. 

The walls of our homes serve to keep bad things out. Living in Florida, I have ridden out my share of hurricanes sitting inside my home. I can tell you that I was very much grateful for those walls. With our homes, the walls have openings. Windows let light in. Doors let us enter, but they also let the people we care about enter. 

Oftentimes, the walls that we build around ourselves, or our hearts, have no openings. They have no windows or doors. Without windows, the walls around us can’t let in light. Without doors, we become unable to let in even the people who love us the most and whom we love.

Somewhere along the way we’ve learned that to protect ourselves, we must build impenetrable walls. I would disagree. Even as we need and count on the walls of our homes to protect us, we need walls around our hearts. However, we need to work hard to ensure that these walls, much like the walls of our homes, have windows to let in light, and doors so that the people who do care have some way to get in. 

Open your doors, carefully

Whether you are a nurse dealing with burnout, anxiety, depression, or just struggling under the weight of life, I would encourage you to open your doors. The unfortunate truth is that some people will take your openness and honesty and use it against you. We can’t, however, use this as an excuse to block everyone out. So, I encourage you, to open your doors, but do it carefully. 

The post It’s a Defense Mechanism appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Truth is that this is an extreme example. With almost 20 years in the ED, this extreme circumstance only happened once. But, there were many other difficult days when I wondered if I should have ever become a nurse, or if I should begin to consider other options. If you’re currently a nurse and have not felt this way, brace yourself, it’s coming. If you are not yet a nurse, go into it knowing that there will be days like this. As these days stack up, it’s no wonder that nurse burnout is such an issue.

How do you come back?

After having 3 patients die in 4 hours, it’s really hard to get up the next day and come back to work. Certainly, there was some financial motivation for this, I mean the mortgage company wants to get paid every month and my kids want to eat every single day. But, this sort of motivation can only keep you going for a short time. After all, if it’s just about money, there are other ways to make it. Heck, there are many things that will actually allow you to make more money than being a nurse. The money is important, but it’s not enough.

So, what does keep me going?

For all the really difficult moments and shifts, there are some truly beautiful ones. I’m talking about things more beautiful than even what you might see in a TV medical drama or the chick flicks my wife makes me watch. (Ok, maybe I like them too.) These moments stand out as sources of light in your day and in your career. When things feel dark, it is the light from these moments that keep you going. I have often thought about some of these bright moments when walking through some of the darkest days of my life and career. This is what keeps me going. I think it will also be what keeps you going.

My challenge to you

I wish someone would have told me this many years ago. I really think that this would have helped me so much on some of those dark, difficult days I’ve been talking about. My challenge to you is to do two things. 

First, start a journal

Not like a “dear diary” kind of thing. Not a journal that you write in every day. No, this journal is just for the shining moments in your nursing career. This is for the stories that make your job worth it. In over 20 years as a nurse, I have so many of those stories. Unfortunately, since I didn’t write them down, it’s hard for me to remember them all. There are some really powerful ones that I can remember very well, but I know that there so many others that I simply can’t remember. So, whenever those moments happen that really make your job worth it, write about it. As soon as possible, write that story in your journal. Include as much information as you can, without violating the patient’s privacy. When you get an email from your manager or someone else talking about the gratitude that a patient or visitor expressed to you, write that in your journal.

Keep every card

Nursing is often a thankless job. This is especially true in areas like the ED and OR, among others. In these areas, patients are generally sent somewhere else to get better. By the time they get to where they are feeling better and start to say thank you, they have long since left the ED or OR. Still, there will be cards. There will be notes. There will be emails. There will be things that people give you to show their appreciation for the care you give. KEEP THESE. Get a box now. Start putting these cards and notes in that box. If management posts a card or letter about you in the department, ask about making a copy of it for your own records, then put it in the box.

Open it on your dark days

On those days that make you doubt your qualification to be a nurse, open these things. Open your journal and read some of the stories. Open your box and read some of the cards. Trust me it is these stories that will keep you going. I certainly have enough of them to keep me going, but how many more could I have had if I had been doing these two things for the 20-plus years that I’ve worked in healthcare?

Need help?

This sort of habit is a part of good self-care. Want help knowing where to start, I wrote my book The Restored Nurse to do exactly that, to help you know where to start. Pick up your copy on Amazon today!.

The post Nurses, Remember the Good Days appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

What IS self-care?

At the simplest level, self-care is taking care of yourself. Simple, right? It truly is that simple. Unfortunately, many simple things, are not easy. We could say that self-care is simply a matter of taking care of yourself, but what does that even mean? It could mean eating right and exercising, but is that all there is to it?
Some time ago, I asked the question on Facebook, “What does self-care mean to you.” Here is a sampling of the answers I received:

• “Taking time to care for myself so that I can continue to care for others.”
• “Going to Disney World.”
• “Free time for me! Kidless, spouseless. NAPS!”
• “Mind, body, and spirit.”
• “…made of up 6 different factors: physical, social, spiritual, emotional, sensory, and intellectual.”
• “Watching Pride and Prejudice”
• “Feeding the mind, body, and spirit the good stuff.”
• “Both bombs and sugar scrubs.”
• “Sleep just sleep”
• “Eat right! Common sense!”
• “Diet and exercise”

As you can see self-care means a variety of different things to different people. This was just a sampling of the over 50 responses I received. While I would certainly agree that some of the things listed here are a PART of self-care, I think that there is more to it than that. A couple of the responses I thought were really good broke down self-care into different areas. One listed it as “physical, social, spiritual, emotional, sensory, and intellectual.” Another said, “mind, body, and spirit”. These are GREAT. As I’ve worked through my own journey of learning what it meant to take better care of my life, I’ve broken it down into 6 Pillars:

• Work Health
• Physical Health
• Mental Health
• Relationship Health
• Spiritual Health
• Financial Health

I know that this doesn’t really answer the question of what self-care is. I’ll be covering more of this in upcoming posts.

If you want to take better care of your life but are not sure where to start, download the free Restored Life Assessment.

The post Can Self-Care Make Your Life Better, as a Nurse? appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Well, now I’m taking that to the next level.

The Restored Nurse

The title of the book is The Restored Nurse. What’s up with that title?

Well, I’ll put it this way. I love cars. I love to watch shows where people find these old cars that are worn out and broken down. I love to watch as these experts that cars that most of us would just send to the junkyard and rebuild them, often making them even better than when they were new.

If we are honest, many nurses can related to that rusted out, broken down old care, even after just a few years.

I believe that we, as nurses, can be restored just like that old car. Even as the restored car is often better than it was when new, I think we can be restored to better than when we were new nurses. No, I’m not promising to make you feel like you did when you were 25. But, what I am promising is that you can build a life that is better than the life you had at the beginning of you career.

What is a Restored Life?

As I set out on a journey to learn what it meant to take better care of myself, I spent sometime exploring exactly what that meant. The result was what I call the 6 Pillars of a Restored Life:

• Work Health
• Physical Health
• Mental Health
• Spiritual Health
• Relational Health
• Financial Health

What about the book?

Well, in the book, I introduce you to each of the 6 pillars. However, before that, we take some time to explore who you are. When I say that, I don’t simply mean your name. I’m also not talking about you being a nurse. I’m talking about who you are beyond nursing. You see, I believe this is the first step we all have to take in order to start building a restored life.

Stay tuned as I begin to give you a sneak peek into the contents of the book in upcoming posts. 

The post I’m Writing a Book! appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

This morning I was thinking about the law of inertia. Yes, I’m a nerd like that.

If you’re unfamiliar, the law of inertia states that an object at rest tends to stay at rest until acted on by an outside force.

This came up in a message from my personal trainer Chris Foy. He has a program specifically for nurses called Strong Nurse Academy. He’s awesome and you should really go check him out. If you want a peek at what he does and who he is, I interviewed him on my podcast and you can listen to that one HERE.

Anyway, I’ve been pushing really hard on my exercise and nutrition goals and am starting to see some consistent progress. He made the statement that I had busted through inertia.

In other words, I had to push long enough and consistently enough to overcome inertia and actually get started moving.

Sometimes you’re the object

The thing about inertia is that sometimes you’re the object at rest. Sometimes there will come an outside force that pushes you and causes you to start moving. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.

The force can come from within.

The force to get you to go from a resting state to a moving state can come from within you. In fact, I’d argue that it’s already there, you’re just not using it.

In other words, the force needed to make the change you want to make is already within you.

For me, that change is improving my physical health. For you it might be mental health, relational health, or one of the other Pillars of the healthy, happy life.

Whatever the change is, you have it within you to make that change.

So, what is it?

What is the change that you are wanting/need to make? I’d love to hear it, reply to this email and let me know.

Thanks,

Matt N.

The post You have what it takes to make that change appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Here are some of their responses:

• “Not knowing where to start.”
• “For so long I thought sleeping in on my days off, lying in bed all day was self-care.”
• “I don’t think I know what it even means.”

As you can see their answers ranged from not knowing where to start, to a limited view of self-care, to not knowing what self-care is. While I certainly understand these reasons, I don’t think that they need to stop us from taking care of ourselves. So, here are some reasons knowledge, or a lack of it, shouldn’t keep you from taking care of yourself

Knowledge is everywhere.

I remember a few years ago my son asked me where I learned to do so many of the things I can do. I’m a pretty handy guy. I do most of the repairs around our house or to our cars. I do woodworking, build props, and many other things. I do some painting, writing, singing, and playing saxophone.

I explained to him that some of these things I’d just picked up over the 4 plus decades I had been alive at that time. However, I went on to tell him that knowledge is everywhere. There is almost nothing you can’t learn on YouTube. Now, for certain, there are probably 2-3 videos filled with bad advice for every one with good advice, but the knowledge is still out there.

Now, I know it takes time to search for the knowledge you need. One of the other barriers nurses identified in my TikTok poll was time. So, I get it, you don’t really have the time to search through all of the available knowledge to find what you need. I’ll talk more about that in a minute.

Others have been in your shoes

While your struggles are very personal, they are rarely completely unique. Whether you are struggling with physical health, mental health, or any of the other pillars of a healthy, happy life, someone out there has struggled with it as well. Even better there are people who have struggled with it AND BEAT IT! In my experience, most people who have worked through struggles are more than happy to share what they learned along the way… you just have to ask.

There are experts in every area of the healthy, happy life

This one can be kinda like finding good information on YouTube or the internet. Seems everyone is a “life coach” these days. I have huge respect for life coaches and for the service they provide, but everyone can’t be a life coach.

Still, there are real experts in the areas of pillars of a healthy, happy life. Sometimes you will have to pay them. A few years ago I determined that I needed to see a counselor. It cost me some money, but it changed my life.

I’m here to help

Ok, shameless plug, but this is my blog, so I can do that. LOL

Seriously though, one of my goals with Restoring Nurses is to learn as much as I can as I travel on my own journey to build a healthy, happy life and then to share all that I’ve learned with you so that you can build your healthy, happy life as well.

Here are some ways that I’m sharing that knowledge:

• Podcast: In my podcast, I share things that I have learned along the way. I also seek out experts in the 6 pillars and interview them to see what I can learn from them and share it in real-time.
• Blog: On the very blog you are reading right now I will share many of the lessons I learn along the way.
• Courses: I’m working to build and produce courses on a regular basis that will give you the tools you need to build your own healthy, happy life.
• Restoring Nurses Community: Hmm, what is this “Restoring Nurses Community” you speak of? I’m working hard to launch an online community for Restoring Nurses. It’s a fact that we are able to accomplish so much more when we work in the community. I’m not talking about a dysfunctional group project like they used to make us do in school where one or two people end up doing most of the work and the losers who did almost nothing end up getting the same credit. Here’s what this community will include:
  • Community Forum: Here like-minded people all with the same goal of building healthy, happy lives, share their experiences, and provide help and encouragement.
  • Monthly courses: These courses are aimed at giving you the tools you need. I’m working to build the first couple of courses now. From there new courses will be determined by the needs of our members. You’ll tell me what you need and I do the research, connect with the experts, and then deliver it in a way that is easy to understand and put into action.
  • Bi-weekly coaching calls: Every other week I will host a live coaching call within the membership. This is your chance to ask me, in real-time whatever questions you have regarding your healthy, happy life journey.
  • And more: My goal with this community is that it would be your go-to place for all you need in your journey to build a healthy, happy life for you and your family.

So, what now?

If you’re ready to start your healthy, happy life journey here are some steps you can take

1. Download the Healthy, Happy Life Assessment
2. Join our FREE private Facebook group

If you are interested in joining the Restoring Nurses Community when it launches, email me at matt@restoringnurses.com and put COMMUNITY in the subject line.

The post The Number 6 Reason Nurses Don’t Care for Themselves appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

My name is Matt. I’m a nurse on a journey to build a healthy, happy life for myself and my family, and on a mission to bring as many nurses with me as possible.

What is a Healthy, Happy Life?

The exact definition of what makes up a healthy, happy life is going to vary from person to person. For me, a major part of this was making sure that I was always available to attend and participate in my children’s activities. For others, it may include a strenuous workout regimen to obtain and maintain optimal physical health. Regardless of what that looks like for you, I believe there are six pillars that work together to build a healthy, happy life.

 

 

This is the foundation upon which the 6 pillars are built on.See the graphic to the left for a visual on that shows this. How can you even begin to build a healthy, happy life until you know yourself. 

There are several parts to this foundation:

• Knowing your why
• Knowing who you are
• Knowing what matters most to you
• Knowing who you want to be
• Knowing where you’re starting

This is the foundation. It’s also the first step towards building the healthy, happy life you deserve.

 

 

The post What is a Healthy, Happy Life? appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

It would be great if this life was something that someone could just give you. As with so many things in life, building the healthy, happy life you deserve is work. One of the biggest obstacles we face in this process is knowing where to start.

Start here

Think of the healthy, happy life you want to build as a house. I remember when my current home was being built. Before the first block was laid, they did a survey of the property. They couldn’t even begin to prepare for the foundation until they knew what they were starting with.

Building the healthy, happy life you deserve is much like building a house. Before you can begin adding the blocks that will build that life, you have to know where you are starting. I’ve developed a tool that can help.

Health, Happy Life Assessment

This assessment was designed around the 6 pillars of a healthy, happy life. It will help you identify your area of greatest need. This is the area of your life that needs the most attention. With that information, you can start building a plan to address that area and grow from there.

Did I mention it’s free?

The Healthy, Happy Life Assessment is 100% free. No strings attached. It is truly my hope that this tool can help you get on the path to the healthy, happy life you deserve. That’s why I created it.

The post Healthy, Happy Life Assessment for Nurses appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

For this reason. I recently shared a post talking about 5 ways to leave work at work. I followed with a post sharing an additional 7 ways to leave work at work. One of the things I shared in these posts was what I call the 5 Minute Debrief.

The idea with the 5 Minute Debrief is to get some of the junk out of your head, write it down, and then move on. Here’s how it works. The 5 Minute Debrief consists of 3 statements.

Things I did well today

Here’s the deal. Even on your worst day, there were still things that you did well. Take some time to celebrate that. If you don’t, then it can be really easy to focus only on the things that didn’t go well. Write down a few things that you did well. It doesn’t have to be long. Just a few short notes.

Things I could have done better today

Here is where you are going to think about the things that didn’t go so well. Consider things that you could have done better. I’m not suggesting that you agonize over conversations where you think you could have said something different or better. Just name some concrete things that you could have done better.

Write it down, learn any lessons that need to be learned from it, then let it go.

Things I need to look up before my next shift

In some cases there are things that you really do need to look up before your next shift. Maybe it’s a new medicine or a diagnosis you’ve never heard of. Maybe it’s something you wrote down in the second statement. Whatever it is, write it down.

The point of this is to put these things down so that you don’t go home thinking about them. If you’re like me, you’ll probably end up lying in bed thinking about these things. Writing them down, and deciding to look into them later, can get them out of your head so that you can be present with your family and so that you can sleep.

In some cases you might not really need to look them up. However, in most cases these will be things that you really do need to look up. After you’ve written them down, set the paper aside and plan to come back to it sometime later, before your next shift.

That’s it

While this is called he 5 minute debrief, it may take longer than that, sometimes. The real point is that it shouldn’t take long. Take as long as you need to complete it, but don’t drag it on forever.

FREE Download

To help with this, I’ve developed this free PDF version of the 5 Minute Debrief. Download it, print it, and have it ready to go when you need it.

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