Recently my office was moved from a hallway to a patient unit. Like across the hall from my office now, are patient rooms. Last week I was sitting in my office, doing my thing, when I heard a physician walk by and call out, “Who has room 19?”

I kinda chuckled.

What I wanted to do in that moment was to do what I had done a few times with physicians in the ED. I wanted to walk him over to the whiteboard where the assignments are listed, and “introduce” him to it. In this case, I didn’t really know this physician and didn’t think it would go over very well, but still it was funny.

As I thought about it a little longer, I was struck by how similar the things we face in nursing are, regardless of where we are. You see the ED where I would “introduce” physicians to the whiteboard was in a different hospital, more than an hour from my current hospital. Oh, and more than a decade has passed since I last worked in that ED.

This is important for us to understand because it reminds us that we are not alone. The difficulties that we face are being faced by many other nurses around the country and the world. This doesn’t make the problems go away, but sometimes it helps to know that we are not the only one’s struggling through the same sort of stuff.

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At least it WAS life when I was in high school. Marching band gave me the motivation and drive I needed to graduate after a pitifully undisciplined start to high school.

Marching band was everything to me. It was the most important thing I had going on. That is until I met the girl who would become my wife, but she was in the marching band too, so win-win.

They were never there

To this day I can close my eyes and see the stands of the football stadium at my high school.

I can see the image of me looking side to side as I stand in attention waiting to start our show, or having just finished it and basking in the applause.

I can also remember that empty feeling when I discovered that my parents weren’t there… again.

I can’t honestly say that my parents ever saw me march. It was the most important thing in my life and they were never there.

They had to work

I get it. We didn’t have much money and they had bills to pay. So, they had to work.

Still, you’d think they could have been there occasionally. You’d think that I’d have some memories of them being there, but I don’t.

Many of the nurses I’ve worked with are in the same boat. They are trading the opportunity to be with the people who love them for a job that never will.

I don’t say this to make anyone feel guilty but rather to make us all think.

It’s hard, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

It’s possible to have an amazing life and career, while still being there for your family.

Our son was in the marching band in high school, the same marching band my wife and I met in. Our daughter is currently in that same marching band.

We are there for everything. For the past 7 years or so, the band’s trailer has seen almost no miles that didn’t happen attached to my pickup truck.

This is possible when you start building balance in your life.

If you’re ready to start building this kind of balance in your own life, comment BALANCE to be added to the waiting list for my upcoming workshop, Building a Balanced Life.

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As a child, my parents worked very hard. Unfortunately, this meant they missed many events that were very important to me. I’m not mad at them, but the reality is that it affected me. Early in my career, I swore that I’d never be like that.

Yet somehow, it happened.

It was a slow fade.

Looking back, there was never a moment when I chose to prioritize my work over my family, it just kinda happened. Little by little, my priorities drifted from my family to my work.

For me, I recognized this slow fade and corrected it while my kids were still at home. This meant that I got to be at all my kids’ stuff while they were in middle school and high school and still very present for my son as he had gotten married and will be welcoming his first child, and my first grandchild, in a couple of months.

You’ve got to be intentional.

I hear you. Some of you work the way you do because you have no choice. Your life requires that you work as much and when you do. In the short term, I would encourage you to be intentional about the time you have to spend with your children, spouse, or partner.

In the long term, I would encourage you to start building a life that allows you to focus more on family and less on work.

Your work should fit your life and not the other way around.

I know that this may mean making some difficult choices. I drive a 13-year-old Chevy Silverado that is paid for. Sure, I’d love to have something newer, but I’m not willing to give up the time with our teenage daughter or with my wife in order to drive something newer.

So, are you working too much?

I can’t answer that question other, but here are some questions that might help you in answering that questions:

1. Does your work cause you to regularly miss family events?
2. Have you built a life that requires you to work more than you want to?
3. Do you have a specific goal for the money you make from working extra?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Leave a comment, or shoot me an email at matt@restoringnurses.com and tell me, Are you working too much?

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