Recently my office was moved from a hallway to a patient unit. Like across the hall from my office now, are patient rooms. Last week I was sitting in my office, doing my thing, when I heard a physician walk by and call out, “Who has room 19?”

I kinda chuckled.

What I wanted to do in that moment was to do what I had done a few times with physicians in the ED. I wanted to walk him over to the whiteboard where the assignments are listed, and “introduce” him to it. In this case, I didn’t really know this physician and didn’t think it would go over very well, but still it was funny.

As I thought about it a little longer, I was struck by how similar the things we face in nursing are, regardless of where we are. You see the ED where I would “introduce” physicians to the whiteboard was in a different hospital, more than an hour from my current hospital. Oh, and more than a decade has passed since I last worked in that ED.

This is important for us to understand because it reminds us that we are not alone. The difficulties that we face are being faced by many other nurses around the country and the world. This doesn’t make the problems go away, but sometimes it helps to know that we are not the only one’s struggling through the same sort of stuff.

The post “Who As Room 19?” appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

At least it WAS life when I was in high school. Marching band gave me the motivation and drive I needed to graduate after a pitifully undisciplined start to high school.

Marching band was everything to me. It was the most important thing I had going on. That is until I met the girl who would become my wife, but she was in the marching band too, so win-win.

They were never there

To this day I can close my eyes and see the stands of the football stadium at my high school.

I can see the image of me looking side to side as I stand in attention waiting to start our show, or having just finished it and basking in the applause.

I can also remember that empty feeling when I discovered that my parents weren’t there… again.

I can’t honestly say that my parents ever saw me march. It was the most important thing in my life and they were never there.

They had to work

I get it. We didn’t have much money and they had bills to pay. So, they had to work.

Still, you’d think they could have been there occasionally. You’d think that I’d have some memories of them being there, but I don’t.

Many of the nurses I’ve worked with are in the same boat. They are trading the opportunity to be with the people who love them for a job that never will.

I don’t say this to make anyone feel guilty but rather to make us all think.

It’s hard, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

It’s possible to have an amazing life and career, while still being there for your family.

Our son was in the marching band in high school, the same marching band my wife and I met in. Our daughter is currently in that same marching band.

We are there for everything. For the past 7 years or so, the band’s trailer has seen almost no miles that didn’t happen attached to my pickup truck.

This is possible when you start building balance in your life.

If you’re ready to start building this kind of balance in your own life, comment BALANCE to be added to the waiting list for my upcoming workshop, Building a Balanced Life.

The post The Stands Were Empty appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

As a child, my parents worked very hard. Unfortunately, this meant they missed many events that were very important to me. I’m not mad at them, but the reality is that it affected me. Early in my career, I swore that I’d never be like that.

Yet somehow, it happened.

It was a slow fade.

Looking back, there was never a moment when I chose to prioritize my work over my family, it just kinda happened. Little by little, my priorities drifted from my family to my work.

For me, I recognized this slow fade and corrected it while my kids were still at home. This meant that I got to be at all my kids’ stuff while they were in middle school and high school and still very present for my son as he had gotten married and will be welcoming his first child, and my first grandchild, in a couple of months.

You’ve got to be intentional.

I hear you. Some of you work the way you do because you have no choice. Your life requires that you work as much and when you do. In the short term, I would encourage you to be intentional about the time you have to spend with your children, spouse, or partner.

In the long term, I would encourage you to start building a life that allows you to focus more on family and less on work.

Your work should fit your life and not the other way around.

I know that this may mean making some difficult choices. I drive a 13-year-old Chevy Silverado that is paid for. Sure, I’d love to have something newer, but I’m not willing to give up the time with our teenage daughter or with my wife in order to drive something newer.

So, are you working too much?

I can’t answer that question other, but here are some questions that might help you in answering that questions:

1. Does your work cause you to regularly miss family events?
2. Have you built a life that requires you to work more than you want to?
3. Do you have a specific goal for the money you make from working extra?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Leave a comment, or shoot me an email at matt@restoringnurses.com and tell me, Are you working too much?

The post Are You Working Too Much? appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Most of us are willing to admit that if we don’t do better at caring for ourselves it will, at some point, affect how we care for everyone else. And, yet we don’t do it.

Some time ago on TikTok, I asked nurses what their biggest barriers were to self-care. You can watch that video and read the responses HERE. While there was a wide range of answers, there were some common themes.

So, here are the top 10 reasons nurses don’t do self-care along with some quotes from the comments. Some of these are truly heartbreaking.

1 – Guilt

• “Being time poor and mom guilt”
• “Fear of letting others down”
• “Guilt for spending more time away from my family.”
• “Guilt. Being told I was selfish for doing anything I enjoy for me.”
• “Guilt. Away from family so much already, I feel bad wanting more time away.”

2 – Time

• “Definitely not enough time. Work is mind-consuming even after I leave.”
• “Don’t have time. Work 12 hours for 7 days straight, then having to be mommy and wife, soon exhausted.”
• “Not enough time in the day and just plain exhausted when I do have free time.”

3 – Exhaustion

• “By the time I have a day off, my brain and body don’t work.”
• “Exhausted with people. Want to isolate when I can.”
• “Exhaustion sneaks up on me. Taking care of everyone else.”
• “I am so tired and exhausted from dealing with my job. I get home and can barely eat, shower, and fall in the bed.”

4 – Depression

• “Depression. It took me a while to make peace with the idea, but I finally got help.”
• “Depression. I have my first therapy appointment on Wednesday.”
• “Depression!”

5 – Money

• “Money, hands down. I have money going to just live.”
• “Time, money, family, juggle.”
• “Fatigue, depression, and money.”

6 – Knowledge

• “Not knowing where to start.”
• “For so long I thought sleeping in on my days off, lying in bed all day was self-care.”
• “I don’t think I know what it even means.”

7 – Prioritization

• “I prioritize myself last, dead last”
• “Everyone else takes priority.”
• “Forgetting that I DESERVE to take time for me”
• “I have been programmed, probably by myself, to put others first.”

8 – Motivation

• “Lack of motivation, probably from a combination of depression and exhaustion”
• “Lack of motivation.”
• “Time, money, motivation”

9 – Laziness

• “Laziness”
• “Laziness” (yes, more than one person gave this exact same answer)

10 – Distractions

• “TikTok, LOL”
• “Carrying things on my mind that I wish I would have charted or said differently.”
• “I think the biggest barrier is the constant feeling that I should be doing something productive.”

Do you identify with any of these quotes? I certainly do.

In the coming weeks, I’m going to address each of these items in upcoming blog posts.

In the meantime, if you are ready to take the first step towards taking back control of your life, including taking better care of YOU, my book The Restored Nurse, is a great place to start.

The post 10 Top Reasons Nurses Don’t Do Self-Care appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Anyway, where was I?

In the first Tobey Maguire Spider Man movie there is a scene where they are at a museum. Peter Parker and his close friend Harry are looking at one of the spiders. Peter explains, to a very disinterested Harry, that some spiders can change color to match their environment. He then says, “It’s a defense mechanism.” 

Recently I was reminded of this scene while at work. As I often do, I walked through the halls, smiling and joking with my coworkers. As I returned to my office and the door closed behind me, all semblance of a smile disappeared. Despite the smiling and laughter, I wasn’t feeling it. 

So, why do I do it?

That’s when the scene I mentioned earlier hit. I could see the scene in my head and thought to myself, “It’s a defeat mechanism.” That’s it, I was using the smile and jokes as a defense mechanism. 

But what am I defending against?

As I sat alone in my office pondering this, I realized that what I was defending against was people knowing what I was truly feeling inside. But, why? Why didn’t I want people to know? Well, for starters, I didn’t think they cared. Truth is, most of them probably don’t. Not that they are uncaring, they’ve just got their own concerns and I’m just some random guy that happens to work in the same place as them. But, it wasn’t the fact that they might not care that made me want to block them out. Rather it was simply that I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want anyone to see what was really going on inside of me.

If we’re honest, I think many of us are doing the same thing. We are building walls to keep everyone out. We are afraid of what people might think if they knew what was really going on inside our heads. 

Walls are good. 

The walls of our homes serve to keep bad things out. Living in Florida, I have ridden out my share of hurricanes sitting inside my home. I can tell you that I was very much grateful for those walls. With our homes, the walls have openings. Windows let light in. Doors let us enter, but they also let the people we care about enter. 

Oftentimes, the walls that we build around ourselves, or our hearts, have no openings. They have no windows or doors. Without windows, the walls around us can’t let in light. Without doors, we become unable to let in even the people who love us the most and whom we love.

Somewhere along the way we’ve learned that to protect ourselves, we must build impenetrable walls. I would disagree. Even as we need and count on the walls of our homes to protect us, we need walls around our hearts. However, we need to work hard to ensure that these walls, much like the walls of our homes, have windows to let in light, and doors so that the people who do care have some way to get in. 

Open your doors, carefully

Whether you are a nurse dealing with burnout, anxiety, depression, or just struggling under the weight of life, I would encourage you to open your doors. The unfortunate truth is that some people will take your openness and honesty and use it against you. We can’t, however, use this as an excuse to block everyone out. So, I encourage you, to open your doors, but do it carefully. 

The post It’s a Defense Mechanism appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Truth is that this is an extreme example. With almost 20 years in the ED, this extreme circumstance only happened once. But, there were many other difficult days when I wondered if I should have ever become a nurse, or if I should begin to consider other options. If you’re currently a nurse and have not felt this way, brace yourself, it’s coming. If you are not yet a nurse, go into it knowing that there will be days like this. As these days stack up, it’s no wonder that nurse burnout is such an issue.

How do you come back?

After having 3 patients die in 4 hours, it’s really hard to get up the next day and come back to work. Certainly, there was some financial motivation for this, I mean the mortgage company wants to get paid every month and my kids want to eat every single day. But, this sort of motivation can only keep you going for a short time. After all, if it’s just about money, there are other ways to make it. Heck, there are many things that will actually allow you to make more money than being a nurse. The money is important, but it’s not enough.

So, what does keep me going?

For all the really difficult moments and shifts, there are some truly beautiful ones. I’m talking about things more beautiful than even what you might see in a TV medical drama or the chick flicks my wife makes me watch. (Ok, maybe I like them too.) These moments stand out as sources of light in your day and in your career. When things feel dark, it is the light from these moments that keep you going. I have often thought about some of these bright moments when walking through some of the darkest days of my life and career. This is what keeps me going. I think it will also be what keeps you going.

My challenge to you

I wish someone would have told me this many years ago. I really think that this would have helped me so much on some of those dark, difficult days I’ve been talking about. My challenge to you is to do two things. 

First, start a journal

Not like a “dear diary” kind of thing. Not a journal that you write in every day. No, this journal is just for the shining moments in your nursing career. This is for the stories that make your job worth it. In over 20 years as a nurse, I have so many of those stories. Unfortunately, since I didn’t write them down, it’s hard for me to remember them all. There are some really powerful ones that I can remember very well, but I know that there so many others that I simply can’t remember. So, whenever those moments happen that really make your job worth it, write about it. As soon as possible, write that story in your journal. Include as much information as you can, without violating the patient’s privacy. When you get an email from your manager or someone else talking about the gratitude that a patient or visitor expressed to you, write that in your journal.

Keep every card

Nursing is often a thankless job. This is especially true in areas like the ED and OR, among others. In these areas, patients are generally sent somewhere else to get better. By the time they get to where they are feeling better and start to say thank you, they have long since left the ED or OR. Still, there will be cards. There will be notes. There will be emails. There will be things that people give you to show their appreciation for the care you give. KEEP THESE. Get a box now. Start putting these cards and notes in that box. If management posts a card or letter about you in the department, ask about making a copy of it for your own records, then put it in the box.

Open it on your dark days

On those days that make you doubt your qualification to be a nurse, open these things. Open your journal and read some of the stories. Open your box and read some of the cards. Trust me it is these stories that will keep you going. I certainly have enough of them to keep me going, but how many more could I have had if I had been doing these two things for the 20-plus years that I’ve worked in healthcare?

Need help?

This sort of habit is a part of good self-care. Want help knowing where to start, I wrote my book The Restored Nurse to do exactly that, to help you know where to start. Pick up your copy on Amazon today!.

The post Nurses, Remember the Good Days appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

What IS self-care?

At the simplest level, self-care is taking care of yourself. Simple, right? It truly is that simple. Unfortunately, many simple things, are not easy. We could say that self-care is simply a matter of taking care of yourself, but what does that even mean? It could mean eating right and exercising, but is that all there is to it?
Some time ago, I asked the question on Facebook, “What does self-care mean to you.” Here is a sampling of the answers I received:

• “Taking time to care for myself so that I can continue to care for others.”
• “Going to Disney World.”
• “Free time for me! Kidless, spouseless. NAPS!”
• “Mind, body, and spirit.”
• “…made of up 6 different factors: physical, social, spiritual, emotional, sensory, and intellectual.”
• “Watching Pride and Prejudice”
• “Feeding the mind, body, and spirit the good stuff.”
• “Both bombs and sugar scrubs.”
• “Sleep just sleep”
• “Eat right! Common sense!”
• “Diet and exercise”

As you can see self-care means a variety of different things to different people. This was just a sampling of the over 50 responses I received. While I would certainly agree that some of the things listed here are a PART of self-care, I think that there is more to it than that. A couple of the responses I thought were really good broke down self-care into different areas. One listed it as “physical, social, spiritual, emotional, sensory, and intellectual.” Another said, “mind, body, and spirit”. These are GREAT. As I’ve worked through my own journey of learning what it meant to take better care of my life, I’ve broken it down into 6 Pillars:

• Work Health
• Physical Health
• Mental Health
• Relationship Health
• Spiritual Health
• Financial Health

I know that this doesn’t really answer the question of what self-care is. I’ll be covering more of this in upcoming posts.

If you want to take better care of your life but are not sure where to start, download the free Restored Life Assessment.

The post Can Self-Care Make Your Life Better, as a Nurse? appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

In this episode, I read from the first chapter of my upcoming book, The Restored Nurse.

You can check out this episode, and all previous episodes, at https://restoringnurses.buzzsprout.com.

Or, search “The Restoring Nurses Podcast” on your favorite podcast player.

The post The Podcast is BACK! appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Well, now I’m taking that to the next level.

The Restored Nurse

The title of the book is The Restored Nurse. What’s up with that title?

Well, I’ll put it this way. I love cars. I love to watch shows where people find these old cars that are worn out and broken down. I love to watch as these experts that cars that most of us would just send to the junkyard and rebuild them, often making them even better than when they were new.

If we are honest, many nurses can related to that rusted out, broken down old care, even after just a few years.

I believe that we, as nurses, can be restored just like that old car. Even as the restored car is often better than it was when new, I think we can be restored to better than when we were new nurses. No, I’m not promising to make you feel like you did when you were 25. But, what I am promising is that you can build a life that is better than the life you had at the beginning of you career.

What is a Restored Life?

As I set out on a journey to learn what it meant to take better care of myself, I spent sometime exploring exactly what that meant. The result was what I call the 6 Pillars of a Restored Life:

• Work Health
• Physical Health
• Mental Health
• Spiritual Health
• Relational Health
• Financial Health

What about the book?

Well, in the book, I introduce you to each of the 6 pillars. However, before that, we take some time to explore who you are. When I say that, I don’t simply mean your name. I’m also not talking about you being a nurse. I’m talking about who you are beyond nursing. You see, I believe this is the first step we all have to take in order to start building a restored life.

Stay tuned as I begin to give you a sneak peek into the contents of the book in upcoming posts. 

The post I’m Writing a Book! appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Resources from this episode:

• Podcast: It is time for you to leave nursing? 
• Podcast: Important mental health habits for nurses.
• Podcast: More mental health habits for nurses.
• Podcast: 12 tips for leaving work at work
• Blog: 5 Ways to Leave Work at Work
• Blog: 7 More Ways to Leave Work at Work

Be sure to check out my online RESTORE groups. This is a safe place for you to be with other healthcare workers and talk about the things you struggle with.

SIGN UP TODAY

Not sure where to start with building your healthy, happy life? Download my Healthy, Happy Life Assessment for Nurses today.

The post Nurses can improve their mental health. Interview with Paige Matthison appeared first on Restoring Nurses.