Recently my office was moved from a hallway to a patient unit. Like across the hall from my office now, are patient rooms. Last week I was sitting in my office, doing my thing, when I heard a physician walk by and call out, “Who has room 19?”

I kinda chuckled.

What I wanted to do in that moment was to do what I had done a few times with physicians in the ED. I wanted to walk him over to the whiteboard where the assignments are listed, and “introduce” him to it. In this case, I didn’t really know this physician and didn’t think it would go over very well, but still it was funny.

As I thought about it a little longer, I was struck by how similar the things we face in nursing are, regardless of where we are. You see the ED where I would “introduce” physicians to the whiteboard was in a different hospital, more than an hour from my current hospital. Oh, and more than a decade has passed since I last worked in that ED.

This is important for us to understand because it reminds us that we are not alone. The difficulties that we face are being faced by many other nurses around the country and the world. This doesn’t make the problems go away, but sometimes it helps to know that we are not the only one’s struggling through the same sort of stuff.

The post “Who As Room 19?” appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

At least it WAS life when I was in high school. Marching band gave me the motivation and drive I needed to graduate after a pitifully undisciplined start to high school.

Marching band was everything to me. It was the most important thing I had going on. That is until I met the girl who would become my wife, but she was in the marching band too, so win-win.

They were never there

To this day I can close my eyes and see the stands of the football stadium at my high school.

I can see the image of me looking side to side as I stand in attention waiting to start our show, or having just finished it and basking in the applause.

I can also remember that empty feeling when I discovered that my parents weren’t there… again.

I can’t honestly say that my parents ever saw me march. It was the most important thing in my life and they were never there.

They had to work

I get it. We didn’t have much money and they had bills to pay. So, they had to work.

Still, you’d think they could have been there occasionally. You’d think that I’d have some memories of them being there, but I don’t.

Many of the nurses I’ve worked with are in the same boat. They are trading the opportunity to be with the people who love them for a job that never will.

I don’t say this to make anyone feel guilty but rather to make us all think.

It’s hard, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

It’s possible to have an amazing life and career, while still being there for your family.

Our son was in the marching band in high school, the same marching band my wife and I met in. Our daughter is currently in that same marching band.

We are there for everything. For the past 7 years or so, the band’s trailer has seen almost no miles that didn’t happen attached to my pickup truck.

This is possible when you start building balance in your life.

If you’re ready to start building this kind of balance in your own life, comment BALANCE to be added to the waiting list for my upcoming workshop, Building a Balanced Life.

The post The Stands Were Empty appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

As a child, my parents worked very hard. Unfortunately, this meant they missed many events that were very important to me. I’m not mad at them, but the reality is that it affected me. Early in my career, I swore that I’d never be like that.

Yet somehow, it happened.

It was a slow fade.

Looking back, there was never a moment when I chose to prioritize my work over my family, it just kinda happened. Little by little, my priorities drifted from my family to my work.

For me, I recognized this slow fade and corrected it while my kids were still at home. This meant that I got to be at all my kids’ stuff while they were in middle school and high school and still very present for my son as he had gotten married and will be welcoming his first child, and my first grandchild, in a couple of months.

You’ve got to be intentional.

I hear you. Some of you work the way you do because you have no choice. Your life requires that you work as much and when you do. In the short term, I would encourage you to be intentional about the time you have to spend with your children, spouse, or partner.

In the long term, I would encourage you to start building a life that allows you to focus more on family and less on work.

Your work should fit your life and not the other way around.

I know that this may mean making some difficult choices. I drive a 13-year-old Chevy Silverado that is paid for. Sure, I’d love to have something newer, but I’m not willing to give up the time with our teenage daughter or with my wife in order to drive something newer.

So, are you working too much?

I can’t answer that question other, but here are some questions that might help you in answering that questions:

1. Does your work cause you to regularly miss family events?
2. Have you built a life that requires you to work more than you want to?
3. Do you have a specific goal for the money you make from working extra?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Leave a comment, or shoot me an email at matt@restoringnurses.com and tell me, Are you working too much?

The post Are You Working Too Much? appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Well, now I’m taking that to the next level.

The Restored Nurse

The title of the book is The Restored Nurse. What’s up with that title?

Well, I’ll put it this way. I love cars. I love to watch shows where people find these old cars that are worn out and broken down. I love to watch as these experts that cars that most of us would just send to the junkyard and rebuild them, often making them even better than when they were new.

If we are honest, many nurses can related to that rusted out, broken down old care, even after just a few years.

I believe that we, as nurses, can be restored just like that old car. Even as the restored car is often better than it was when new, I think we can be restored to better than when we were new nurses. No, I’m not promising to make you feel like you did when you were 25. But, what I am promising is that you can build a life that is better than the life you had at the beginning of you career.

What is a Restored Life?

As I set out on a journey to learn what it meant to take better care of myself, I spent sometime exploring exactly what that meant. The result was what I call the 6 Pillars of a Restored Life:

• Work Health
• Physical Health
• Mental Health
• Spiritual Health
• Relational Health
• Financial Health

What about the book?

Well, in the book, I introduce you to each of the 6 pillars. However, before that, we take some time to explore who you are. When I say that, I don’t simply mean your name. I’m also not talking about you being a nurse. I’m talking about who you are beyond nursing. You see, I believe this is the first step we all have to take in order to start building a restored life.

Stay tuned as I begin to give you a sneak peek into the contents of the book in upcoming posts. 

The post I’m Writing a Book! appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Resources from this episode:

• Podcast: It is time for you to leave nursing? 
• Podcast: Important mental health habits for nurses.
• Podcast: More mental health habits for nurses.
• Podcast: 12 tips for leaving work at work
• Blog: 5 Ways to Leave Work at Work
• Blog: 7 More Ways to Leave Work at Work

Be sure to check out my online RESTORE groups. This is a safe place for you to be with other healthcare workers and talk about the things you struggle with.

SIGN UP TODAY

Not sure where to start with building your healthy, happy life? Download my Healthy, Happy Life Assessment for Nurses today.

The post Nurses can improve their mental health. Interview with Paige Matthison appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Truth is I can’t even remember how it all got started. All I know is that we invited our families over to our house for Christmas breakfast.

Then we opened it up to some family friends who didn’t have any local family.

Now it’s an open invitation to pretty much anyone who wants to come and we LOVE it.

We love having a big crowd of people in our home. We love the opportunity to give people a sense of family that might not otherwise have that on Christmas morning. It has truly become something that we look forward to every year.

Why is it so special?

Why is this event so special? I mean it’s such a simple thing, yet it has come to have so much meaning for my family. In fact, I’ve learned that the others who come look forward to it at least as much as we do.

So, why is it so special? I think it’s special because relationships matter.

Relationships matter and this is an opportunity to be with people who matter to us.

Why do relationships matter?

Relationships are one of the 6 Pillars of a healthy, happy life. Just like the other 5 pillars, if we fail in this one it becomes so much harder to build the healthy, happy life so many of us are trying to build.

I hope that this holiday season you’re able to build up the relationships you have with the people that matter. I know that this can be a very difficult time for many of us.

If you’re ready to start building better relationships on your journey towards building a healthy, happy life, download my Healthy, Happy Life Assessment for Nurses today to get started.

What are your favorite Christmas traditions? Leave a comment below and let me know.

The post Our Accidental Christmas Tradition appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

Gratitude doesn’t mean pretending that bad or difficult things do not exist. This does not mean ignoring our struggles. Rather, it means being intentional about focusing our minds on the things that are going well in our lives. So, here are 10 Reasons Gratitude Matters.

1. It Changes Your Brain

A 2016 article in INC. magazine pointed to several different studies that showed that gratitude can actually change our brains. In this article, Harvard researcher Shawn Achor said taking time to write down 3 things you are grateful for daily for 21 days can increase your optimism with the effect lasting up to six months. Other studies mentioned in this article show that gratitude can increase your willpower (who couldn’t use more of that), help you stay calm, and even boost employee morale (another thing grossly lacking in nursing today.

2. Help you be more grateful

In that same article, a study found that people taken through a gratitude experiment felt more gratefulness even after the study had ended. This isn’t to say that they came out of the study with rose-colored glasses, unable to see the things that were wrong in the world. They didn’t wake up in the world of Free Guy, where nobody had a good day cause they all had GREAT days. Rather it showed that when they were looking for things to be grateful for, they became better at finding them.

Have you ever bought a new car, or were even shopping for a specific type of car, and suddenly you see them everywhere? It’s as if they barely even existed until you got one and now EVERYONE has one. The reality is that there are likely no more of them around you than there were before. Rather, what has happened is that your recent purchase or interest in that car has placed that car in the Reticular Activating System (RAS). The RAS is part of the brain that helps to filter the input that is important from what is not. We are constantly surrounded by so much information that our brains would shut down (or something) if they tried to process it all. So, the RAS takes those things that we are actively thinking about and helps us to filter all the inputs in order to find more of those things. Who knows, maybe this is one of those changes within our brain that we talked about in #1. In other words, the more you LOOK for things to be grateful for, the more you will SEE things to be grateful for.

3. It can improve your relationships

A study performed at Harvard Medical School found that couples that practiced a habit of expressing gratitude for their partner felt more positive about them. It also showed that they were more comfortable talking about concerns about their relationship with their partner.

Again, this is not a case of looking at your relationships through rose-colored glasses. Rather, it’s another example of what we talked about in #2. The more we look for and express the things we are grateful for in our partner, the easier it becomes to see them. I think it is simply human nature to focus on the negatives. This seems especially true in relationships. Expressing gratitude for our partners forces us to stop looking at the negatives for a short time and see the positives. Want to take it to another level, try expressing gratitude FOR your partner, TO your partner.

This part is not just between partners, however. This will work on literally all the relationships in your life. Want to improve your relationships with your children, express gratitude for and to them. Want to see more good in your boss, look for things to be grateful for (Yes, I know this one can be really hard sometimes). Want to have a better working relationship with your coworkers, express gratitude for and to them.

4. It can improve your heart health

Another Harvard Medical School study, from 2019, showed that gratitude can even improve your heart health. In this study, they looked at people with heart failure. Those that kept a daily habit of listing three to four things they were grateful for had decreased levels of inflammatory hormones and maintained a lower heart rate during exercise after as little as two months. Another study published in 2017 seems to confirm these results, showing improvements in biomarkers that have been linked to morbidity in heart failure patients. Gratitude is literally good for your heart.

5. It can make you happier

This one links back to the reticular activating system. As mentioned above, the more you look for things to be grateful for, the easier you will be able to find them. Heck, do this long enough and you will find things to be grateful for when you aren’t even trying. According to a 2019 article in Positive Psychology, there is a direct link between gratitude and happiness.

Think about it. We’ve all worked with that person who could see the negative in every situation and was usually all too ready to share it with anyone who would listen and even those that were not listening. Those people ALWAYS seem to be so unhappy. Their RAS is working to show them all the negative things around them and it is making them miserable, maybe without even realizing it. The opposite can happen if you work at it. You can learn to see the good things around you and, as a result, train your RAS to focus on those things. This can’t help but make you happier, in the same way, the person constantly focusing on the negative will make you miserable.

6. It can improve self-esteem

A 2011 study on the positive effects of gratitude showed that people who had a regular habit of gratitude reported greater life satisfaction and self-esteem. A habit of gratitude can come in the form of a gratitude journal. This journal can be anything from something you write daily, sharing your thoughts on things you are grateful for in full paragraph form to as simple as taking time each day to list 3-5 things you are grateful for.

One thing I will say about this one is this; while simply taking the time to think about what you are grateful for can be powerful, writing it down takes it to a whole different level. Something powerful happens within our brains when we take the time to write stuff down. It forces our brain to concentrate on it. It helps us to remember it. It also provides us with a record that we can go back to. On the days when it might be really hard to think of things, you are grateful for, going back to the things you have written down on previous days can serve as a powerful reminder.

7. It can decrease materialism and improve wellbeing

At the onset, it might not seem obvious how materialism can be linked to a lower sense of well-being. However, if you give it a little thought, you know that you’ve known people that never seem satisfied with what they had. They were always buying new stuff in a never-ending question for happiness. They never seemed to realize that the things they thought were making them happy, or the next thing they thought would really never do.

A study in 2014 formalized this link. It found that materialism was negatively associated with well-being. It also found that people who practiced gratitude had the opposite effect, experiencing a greater sense of well-being. Who couldn’t use more well-being in their life?

8. It can help with depression

Now, before you roll your eyes, I’m not saying that this can CURE depression. Depression is often far too complicated for a single tool or method to cure it. However, several studies did show that it HELPED with depression. If you struggle with depression, you need to seek professional help. However, I would encourage you to also consider starting a gratitude habit.

9. It can reduce blood pressure

A study from 1977 showed improvements in blood pressure in study participants who “count their blessings” at least once per week. Ok, I know that is an old study and, therefore would not be considered significant if writing a research paper. But, this is not a research paper. As a person who had high blood pressure. I think that this is something I’m going to add to my routine. I will also continue to take my meds, exercise regularly, and work to lose weight, but if this can help too then it’s work trying.

10. It can help make people smile

Ok, this one is not so much about you. Hey, all the benefits don’t have to be for you. I spent most of my career in the emergency room. Sadly, this means that most of the people we care for go somewhere else to get better. This results in us often getting very few thank you’s from patients or families. I know we don’t do it for that reason, but man it’s powerful when it comes. A simple thank you to the server at the restaurant can change her entire day. Saying thanks to your partner, even for the smallest thing can make them smile. Just go out and show gratitude to the people around you. See how many of them will smile as a result.

Be grateful

This week is the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. For many, this has a religious connotation. However, the benefits listed here are for everyone. Take some time to be grateful today… and every day.

The post 10 Real Benefits of Gratitude appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

The night started like any other… how’s that for a cheesy story starter? Seriously though, it felt like any other night. Sometime after I went to bed, I was startled awake. My heart was pounding and felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I sat on the edge of the bed, trying to breathe, to no avail.

I was afraid.

The truth was that there was nothing to be afraid of, yet I was afraid. I knew that it didn’t make any sense. I also knew that the truth didn’t matter. I was afraid.

Actually, to say I was afraid wouldn’t really do it justice. I was freaking out.

I sat on the edge of the bed for a short time but had to get up. I couldn’t just sit there. I also didn’t want to disturb my wife. I moved to the living room and paced…

Back and forth, and back and forth, I paced.

I’d pace for a while, then sit in the recliner thinking I might be able to get to sleep. I wouldn’t even get the footrest up before I had to get up again. And again, I paced.

Back and forth, and back and forth, I paced.

Over and over I sat in the chair, for just a matter of seconds before I had to get back up and pace.

Back and forth, and back and forth, I paced.

This seemed to go on for hours. Looking back, I’m certain that it was not nearly so long. But, it sure felt like it.

After a while, I finally decided to wake up my wife. I really should have done this much sooner. I’m not sure if it was pride, or shame, or fear of how she might respond, or maybe even a genuine desire to not disturb her. What it certainly was was stupid. We are a team, I’m here for her and she is here for me.

She came into the living room with me. She watched me pace, unsure of what to do. As she become more awake, she held my hand. With her feeling her presence and her touch, I was able to sit down. She talked with me. She played ocean waves sounds on her phone. And she held my hand. After a time, I was finally able to sit back in the chair, put the footrest up, and finally fell asleep. Kim stayed out there with me, still holding my hand.

I woke up a different man

When I woke up the next morning, I was a different person. Nobody could have looked at me and seen the difference, but I could feel it with every fiber of my being.

You see, the version of Matt that had gone to bed the night before was confident, even bordering on cocky at times. Maybe more times than I care to admit. He was calm, to the point where nurses that worked with him in the ER sometimes went so far as to ask him how he always remained so calm. That version of Matt believed that he could do anything he put his mind to.

That version of Matt was gone.

I woke up the next morning a different man. I woke up afraid. Afraid of nothing, and afraid of everything.

I remember going to work that morning. I had to go down one level to the basement to get to the department I was working in. I approached the elevator I had ridden in thousands of times before. I pushed the button and waited for the door to open. When it opened, I couldn’t bring myself to enter it. I had ridden this elevator literally thousands of times and it was only one level, but I couldn’t do it. I went around the corner and took the stairs.

I was a different person and I wasn’t sure that I liked this version of Matt.

The anxiety continued throughout the day. I remember having to start an IV and my hands shaking as I did. I had started thousands of IVs prior to this and I was good at it. Still, I was so afraid that my hands shook. My hands hadn’t shaken like that in nearly 20 years, since I first started drawing blood as a phlebotomist.

I was afraid… of everything… and of nothing.

Then bedtime came

As evening approached, I gradually began to become more and more anxious. I felt like someone returning to a place where they had been attacked. Just the knowledge that I would soon have to go to bed, or even just to sleep made me anxious.

Little did I know that this was going to become a nightly routine for at least the next several months, and maybe even a year or more. I can’t clearly remember when this stopped.

I knew I had to sleep and I was trying to be the man I was before this started. I was certain he was gone, but I was going to pretend. So, I kissed my wife goodnight and climbed into bed. I intentionally rolled to face away from her. I didn’t want her to see that I was lying there awake, with my eyes open.

Eventually, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. I could feel my heart beating and feel the anxiety growing in me.

So, I prayed.

I prayed, “Lord, give me peace; give me strength.” Over and over again I prayed. I literally prayed myself to sleep. I did this every night for months.

It’s better now, but not over

Truth is I’m much better now. I’d love to say that I have defeated anxiety. I’d love to be able to share a powerful tool that could help you defeat anxiety. Sadly, I don’t have any such things to share. I am much better now than I was. It’s not that I never face anxiety. Rather, I’ve just gotten better at dealing with it.

My hope in sharing my story is that you might realize two things:

1. You are not alone. There are so many people dealing with the same, or similar stuff
2. There is hope to get through it and learn to deal with it.

The post My Anxiety Journey, Part 1 appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

What the heck does this even mean? Well, it’s actually quite simple. The things we do WITH our family are much more important that the things we do FOR them.

But I have to provide

Yes, there are things we have to do for them. Our families need food, they need shelter, they need clothes. Your family needs all of these things and this means that you have to work. Clearly, I’m not talking about quitting your job and, in the process, failing to provide these things.

However, if we are honest, we often go far beyond what they need and into the realm of what they want. Or, perhaps more accurately, what we want them to have. In some cases even going beyond what WE need to what we want, or what we have convinced ourselves we deserve.

What does that all even mean?

As mentioned earlier, our family needs certain things. We do too. Unfortunately, we have a tendency to take those needs and blow them up. We tend to make them bigger, and more expensive than they have to be. Sadly, I’ve been too often when nurses will build a life that requires them to work overtime, often a lot of it, just to keep up. The result is often that we are not there when our kids need us.

That’s right, our families need us. In fact, I would argue that they need us more than many of the things that we are working to buy for them.

It’s about a lifestyle

Our families need shelter. However, they don’t need the biggest, fanciest house in the neighborhood. The memories your children have of their childhood home will be the moments you spent with them, not the size of the house, the fancy neighborhood it’s in, or how much it cost.

Likewise, you need a car. You’ve got to have some way to get to work, soccer practice, the grocery store, etc. You don’t, however, need a Mercedes or BMW. Are they cool, yes. Do you need one, no. Many more memories are made in the garage working on an older car, or even just keeping the family car running, that simply riding to soccer practice in a fancy, expensive, new car.

What your family really needs is you

You see, your family is not going to remember most of the things you worked extra to provide for them. They will, however, remember all the games you missed. They will remember the dance recital you couldn’t make because you were working. They will remember the band concerts you were not at.

I’m 47 years old and I still have a picture in my head of the auditorium of my old high school. I can still remember sitting on that stage for band concerts. I can see the curtain opening and remember looking out into the crowd looking for my parents, only to see that they were not there. I can still remember a similar experience while marching on the football field and scanning the stands hoping to see my parents, but pretty sure that they were not going to be there.

Remember what really matters

I’m not telling you not to work and I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I am, however, trying to encourage you to think about what really matters. Trust me, what really matters is the time you spend with your family. I would encourage you to take some time to think about this. Is your work taking you away from your family on a regular basis?

Now what?

Maybe you agree with everything I’ve said here but don’t know how to even begin. Check out my Work/Life Balance Workshop. Here I’ll help you begin to build a plan for betting more balance between work and life.

The post With is Greater Than For appeared first on Restoring Nurses.

In this episode, I had the opportunity to chat with Chris Foy. Chris is a personal trainer in Sydney, Australia. Married to a nurse, Chris has seen firsthand, through his wife and her coworkers, the struggles that nurses have in taking care of themselves and the negative effects this can bring.  Through this Chris has developed a passion for helping nurses take better care of their physical health.

I hope you enjoy this episode

Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode

• My Fitness Pal
• Top 10 Barriers to Self-Care
• Chris’ Stretching Videos
• Chris’ TikTok – The Strong Nurse Coach
• Strong Nurse Academy

Ready to start building the healthy, happy life you deserve? Download the Healthy, Happy Life assessment below to get started.

The post Habits for a Physically Healthy Nurse with Chris Foy appeared first on Restoring Nurses.